Comment Wall
Comment Wall
(Screenshot of my own Portfolio site banner)
This is the comment wall for my project. You can find my project site by clicking here!
My project is a portfolio that includes the stories I enjoyed most, but they all also teach an important lesson.
Hi Caitlyn! Interesting story. I like the approach you used, that individuals must provide proof of their own hard work rather than rely on the work of others. However, it made me think that as a civilization we build our success off of the knowledge acquired by our predecessors. Maybe that could be something to incorporate into your story? Questions that arise is how is the person able to communicate with the lion, is this a universe where all species can talk? Is this a magical lion or a person who has special abilities?
ReplyDeleteI like the story you told, but maybe you could change the characters to be different from the original; it could be representation from two different cultures, or still a man and a different animal, or two different animals. One opposing set that comes to mind that is similar to your story is the tortoise and the hare, the hare was faster but the tortoise was more focused. The human was clearly weaker than the lion, but after hard work and training was able to beat the lion. I like the message that your story shows about the values of individual success!
Hey Caitlyn! I loved your retelling of the story of the lion and the man, as well as your tale about the boys and the frogs. You take the original morals of the stories and lessons learned, then spell them out and help the readers to truly understand the perspectives of the characters. I really liked what you did with the first tale. You added so much complexity to what initially seemed to be an argument against using biased proof. My favorite point in that story was the importance of doing things for yourself to achieve personal growth. In the second tale, I like that you cause the younger boys to play the roles of both aggressor and victim. It truly helps those characters to achieve a sense of empathy in the end, far more than a simple confrontation would have done. I have two questions. What caused you to choose the image for your banner? It's nice to look at, but I'm wondering what it communicates about the overall theme of learning lessons? I loved the image of the lion on the first story, and the style of the frog gave the second story a more playful feel. You might consider changing each of these images to be the banner image of its story. You might also want to add a link to your comments page on your portfolio home page. It was a bit hard to find without the Myth-Folklore directory. Overall, really excellent work! Your story retellings add complexity and depth that make old tales feel new. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteYou've chosen some of my favorite stories to retell, and I enjoyed the treatment you gave them. Picking up where the man and lion story ended was a keen idea, and I was very satisfied with the ending.
There's a lot of passive verbs present in each story, and I know full well how difficult it can be to avoid this, but I highly recommend checking out this handy passive vs. active verb sheet our teacher put together. Using more active verbs in place of "had" "were" "was" etc. could sharpen up and emphasize the stories.
http://writingwithaesop.blogspot.com/2014/02/short-and-sweet-active-verbs.html
The site is easy to navigate, and each of your author's notes does a great job of conveying why and how the story was written. It's nice to understand the motivation behind the stories, and you've done a great job. Finally, it could be nice to have a banner image somehow connected to the theme of learning, or lessons, or morality. As each story brings a different lesson forward, tying them all together with a single image could give a little more emphasis to the site as a whole.
Great job!
Hi Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteI think i have read the story of The Lion, The Man and the Lesson twice and i am really enjoyed this lesson. Those stories that you chose have great meaning behind them. I do have some recommend for you.
First, you have included your brief introduction in the project, which give us the idea of what would you do with your overall project. However, it would be better if you provide more detail about this idea.
Second, i couldn't find the comment wall that link directly with your blog post. Doing so help us a lot.
I haven't read the story of the original the Lion and the Statue yet, but i can get the basic idea from that story just based on what you told. The lesson here is moral, that "success is yours if you've earned it." The lion here is just like a teacher that lead us through things.
Again, i am really enjoyed the story.
Hi Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteI like that the first story had a great moral meaning behind it. I remember reading that story one week as a reading assignment. Good job on continuing the story and adding a lesson into it. I believe this a lesson that other people can take and use because it can easily be applied to real life.
The second story has another great lesson. I like that you kept up the theme of continuation for your stories. Both were a continuation of another story but with an added lesson thrown in. I think the second is great for teaching about how you want to be treated.
One thing though, in the paragraph that starts with "The younger boys trudged" you have a sentence that says "The sat there for a moment" and I am guessing it is supposed to be "They sat there for a moment".
Other than that, good job!
Hey Caitlyn,
ReplyDeleteYour story of the man and the lion was a very interesting one. I have one point I want to focus in on that I think was really well done, and that is the intelligence of man. In the beginning the man points to the intelligence of men, but appears to be much less wise than the lion. Throughout the story, the lion chastises him and gives him words of wisdom. From a species of supposedly lesser intelligence to one of supposedly greater intelligence, this must have infuriated the man inside. If men truly were more intelligent, these words would likely have fallen on deaf ears, but that is not what happened. Whether you meant it or not, I think you have a secondary moral in your story of humility, alongside the moral of doing things yourself. I think that's something that some people might miss at first. The only point I would make to maybe look at to change is in your author's note. I don't think this story needs much explanation, and stands really well on its own. So I think you don't have to give as much background information if you don't want to! Anyway, it was a really good story!
Hey Caitlyn! I really enjoyed how the Lion in your first story did what he could to try and defuse the situation without violence in the beginning, even as the man showed his naivety and brashness in believing he didn't have to prove anything. It really made the story shine. I also liked how the man never quit trying to win, learning from each encounter. Your other story about the boys befriending the frogs was very entertaining as well. It's always interesting to see how people reflect when the tables are turned. What if the frogs had declined the boys' apology due to their careless actions before? I can see some situations where someone might do such a thing out of frustration. I love the way that the stories are connected with the Lessons Learned theme. I've always enjoyed reading fables due to the underlying message that you try to decipher and figure out what it means. I'm excited to see what the next one is!
ReplyDeleteHello Caitlyn,
ReplyDeleteI like the theme of your portfolio, the stories with lessons are some of my favorites to read. I like how you chose to create the story based on the events that happened afterwards. I think the lesson of your story is understood clearly, which I feel can be hard to do. I like how you ended your story. It is interesting to imagine this man retuning to the lion as he furthers his education. Your mix of narration and dialogue between the man and lion reads well. I think it is a clever idea to separate the dialogue from the main, narrated paragraphs; it makes it easier to follow along with who is saying what. The only suggestion that I can think of is to maybe make the font a little bigger. Oh, and I was a little fuzzy on the setting. I think providing some information on when and where would be helpful to the reader’s imagination.
Hi Caitlyn! I liked that you said the story of the man and lion is a continuation and pointed out the author's note is at the end of the story because that gives the reader the option to start the story with the note! I thought you did a great job of using dialogue to show the progression of the man and lion's relationship throughout your story. I really enjoyed your second story! I am glad the younger boys learned their lesson and became friends with the frogs, but I am wondering what the frogs wanted the boys to do for them? I thought it would be a cool ending if the frogs and younger boys taught the mean older boys a lesson! That could always be part of your next story. I like that you have a theme to tie all of your stories together, but the stories contain different characters and settings! Overall, really great job on your project!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn! I just read your first story from your portfolio about the lion and the man. I love stories that teach lessons, so I really enjoyed reading your portfolio story. In your story, the man says that because he has superior intelligence compared to the lion, he is stronger. In the story, though, it seems like the lion is actually of superior intelligence based on the dialogue. I think there might be a better way to portray that humans have a greater ability based on how intelligence. I wish the man could come up with a better way to defeat the lion other than just trying to beat him in a battle of strength, like maybe creating a trap that entangles the lion, but that might require a whole change in the story. Also, I would love to see you change the headlines “Story 1” and “Story 2” to actual names of stories, but that is just a suggestion. Great job and I can’t wait to read your next story!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteIn Story 1, since I have not read the original story, I thought it was very helpful that you included a short summary of the original story. I really liked the message in the story and I think it’s particularly relevant now when the internet is there for quick answers. Also, the picture you chose for Story one is beautiful. Great choice! I also enjoyed the second story as well. I thought it was very creative how you linked what the boys did to the frogs with what the bullies did to the boys! It really helps put in to perspective what the frogs were going through. I wonder though, if the story would flow better if you just said Callum’s name every time instead the boy who heard the frogs. But besides that I really enjoyed both of your stories, and I’m excited to read more from you!
Hi Caitlyn, I liked that each of your stories had some sort of lesson with it, which goes with your portfolio title of "Stories: Lessons Learned". I thought all three were very well-written too! One thing that I wanted to suggest was actually putting each story's title as a lead tab instead of "Story 1", "Story 2", and "Story 3". While I see that you have what each of the three are under the "Home" tab, it would be nice to be able to just see what I am about to click on and read next rather than having wait until after I click to see or refer back to the "Home" tab. Overall, I found Story 1 most enjoyable to read. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn! I really like that your stories are continuations of other stories! I have not though about doing this... my stories so far have been a retelling of the story they are based on, so I may have to try this some time! I really like that you wrote "Boys Who Befriended Frogs" to have a happy ending. I thought it was creative how you turned the lesson on the boys who are tormenting the frogs by having experience the same bullying by older boys. I think it might be helpful for you to change the header names of the stories on your website to give readers an idea of what each story is going to be about! I was a little confused at the beginning of the second paragraph.. when you said they boys were finished skipping stones in the pond, was this just for the day and then they came back another day? At first I thought the boys were done with skipping rocks for good
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I think the titles of your stories are great. They are fun and catchy which is great when trying to attract a readers attention. However, I think your images could be a little bit stronger. They do not draw the reader in quite as much as the titles do.
I think your stories are great and the lessons in the stories are all fantastic. They all really stay true to the theme of "lessons learned" so good job on keeping that through out.
I think your author's notes did a good job of explaining the original stories because I had not read all of them before!
I like the formatting of your stories. It helped me not get lost in a giant paragraph type of story.
Overall I like your project and think you are doing a great job. Good luck on the last few weeks.
Hello Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteYour stories were all so different when seen as a collective and your writing style was as well. This did really show your incredible range as an author. I loved all the stories you chose because I believe they also encapsulated different parts of the human experience, from brutal belief and stubbornness to sheer dumb luck. The interactions you draw in your own stories are nearly identical to the ones you took inspiration from, which is a very difficult thing to do. Overall, I enjoyed your stories and your author's notes because they were all insightful and helped put me in the right mindset when getting a feel for the atmosphere you were trying to create. I believe your blog page hit all the right notes in creating a symphony for this class and I am grateful for being able to read your stories! I hope the next couple of weeks are easy and stress-free for you!